Things have gotten steamy. You and your date have gone from kissing to full-blown making out to the mostly-naked part of your evening. Your partner gets that look in their eye and begins slowly kissing down your torso, tugging at your undies…they’re going down there.
Even when we’re very turned on, receiving oral sex can produce some anxiety. What if I don’t taste good? What if I’m bad at this? All those thoughts can run through your head, which is a distinct mood-killer.
Yes, there are things you can do to both relieve your anxiety before oral sex and to help make your experience as, well, satisfying as it can be — yes, orgasm a go-go. Here are 5 tips to improving your experience of receiving cunnilingus;
- Take a deep breath. If you find yourself getting anxious, take a few deep breaths. This helps your mind and heart settle a bit. Remind yourself that your partner is turned on by you — you’ve got proof right between your thighs (or headed there). If you need to ask for a pause in the action, that’s OK too — give yourself a moment to get centered.
- Clean and clear. Some receivers are nervous because they are afraid they will taste or smell bad. If you think your evening might end up with you as the final course, take some time to go to the bathroom and clean yourself well before any clothes come off. If you don’t get the chance, you can ask for a break in the action to go empty your bladder and perform some basic hygiene. You’re probably fine without this, but if you are at all nervous it can help calm your nerves.
- Ask for what you want. Your partner can’t know what feels good unless you tell them, right? It can be a little difficult, especially if you’re shy, but telling your partner exactly what feels good increases your chances of getting it. If you don’t want to use your words, moans and other noises when your partner hits the right spot do nicely. A considerate giver will be attuned to their receiver’s vocalizations and will respond accordingly.
- Move it. Movement is feedback. Move your body into your partner when they do something that feels good. Arch your back. Wrap your legs around them. Run your fingers through their hair or even pull lightly. When you move, that’s you using your body to ask for what you want. A considerate giver who finds themselves with a receiver who is lying stock-still will know that something’s wrong — or at least something’s not as right as it could be!
- Be a guiding hand. Don’t just grab your partner and yank them around (unless you’ve already agreed on it beforehand), but guiding your partner to where you want them to be is a great way to get what you want. It can also be sexy as hell. Gently guide your partner’s head to where they can reach that special spot. Or even use your fingers on yourself to show your partner what you like. Stimulating your own clit while your partner uses tongue and fingers on you can also have mind blowing results!
It may take time to get comfortable receiving cunnilingus, especially if you are with a new partner, have never received before, or you have internalized some messages about it being dirty or wrong. And it’s always acceptable to tell a partner that you aren’t interested in receiving. But if you want to receive but just find it difficult, these tips can help you learn to relax and enjoy the ride.