How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex
Did you know that receiving oral sex can double a woman’s chance of orgasm and that lesbians report better sex lives than their straight counterparts?
Researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute studied 52,000 Americans and found that 95 percent of straight men usually or always orgasm when sexually intimate with a partner whilst the same is true for only 65 percent of straight women – this is widely known as the orgasm gap.
The study also found that 86 percent of lesbians usually or always orgasm. So, yes, those of us with a clit can orgasm. And we can orgasm a lot…
Enter The Cunnilinguist…
Regardless of gender, sexuality or relationship status, if you’re someone who would like to improve your experience of giving or (and?!) receiving cunnilingus, then this “refreshingly modern guide” might just be the pleasure-inducing gift you’re looking for.
Released just in time for Valentine’s 2019, The Cunnilinguist is available in eBook and paperback (Amazon link) format (audiobook coming in March). The Kindle version is FREE in the run up to Valentine’s and went straight to #1 “Best Seller” in Amazon’s “Sexuality” category. On Valentine’s day the price will change to $0.99 for an additional promotional period and then return to full price of $6.99.
Going down. Eating out. Rug-munching. Speaking in tongues. No matter what you call cunnilingus, talking about it is sometimes uncomfortable and awkward—Until now.
The Cunnilinguist is a refreshingly modern guide to oral sex with a sense of humor. Written by a woman experienced in and passionate about pleasure, this guide will build your confidence in giving—or receiving—oral sex.
You’ll learn tested tips, tricks and techniques that any giver or receiver can try. The Cunnilinguist has insights for readers from beginner to advanced, single to married, and regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Written by Alex B Porter, – best selling author of lesbian erotic romance.
Edited and Foreword by Susan Harper, PhD – anthropologist, sociologist, sex educator, and professor of gender studies. View it here on Amazon.
You’ll learn cunnilingus tips about how to:
- Find and use pleasure points
- Move from foreplay to oral sex
- Overcome fears and insecurities
- Make sex safe, hygienic and fun
You’ll learn next-level sex tips on how to:
- Change up your positions
- Use fingers, vibrators and dildos
- Incorporate roleplay or power play
- Spark intimacy before, during and after oral sex
And you’ll learn what not to do!
The Cunnilinguist includes the latest scientific research alongside firsthand advice from Alex B Porter, a woman with experience at both ends of the tongue.
Top tips from both ends of the tongue
I was very fortunate to be joined by Susan Harper on this book. Susan, who happens to actually be Susan B Harper (what a coincidence?!) came on board first as my editor and then also writing the Foreword. As a researcher, anthropologist, sociologist and educator in sexuality and gender studies, Susan really helped turn this book into something special, and educated me significantly along the way. I can’t thank her enough.
Here’s a tasty chunk of her kindly worded Foreword…
What this book has turned out to be is even more exciting that I had ever hoped. Working closely with Alex to craft a guidebook that could be used by anyone who wants to learn to give or receive good cunnilingus, regardless of gender, has been an adventure. I especially loved that this book focuses on the experience of oral sex for both the giver and the receiver.
So much writing out there about cunnilingus is focused on techniques for giving oral sex to cis women, and often assumes that the “giver” is cis and a man. These “guides” are often mechanistic and do not consider the role of the receiver, and they tend to be very heteronormative as a result. I love that with The Cunnilinguist, Alex has chosen to open up the discussion to anyone who wants to give oral sex to someone with a vulva, and anyone with a vulva who wants to receive. There’s such a need for writing about sex that recognizes trans, nonbinary, and intersex people, and I think this book does an elegant (and fun) job of broadening the conversation beyond cisgender bodies.
The Cunnilinguist is the kind of book I wish I’d had available to my Sociology of Sexuality students. It manages to be both informative and well-researched while also being a fun, irreverent frolic. The description of the vaginal/vulvar/clitoral anatomy is worth the cover price alone, given how many people who possess these structures don’t know what they’re called or how they work.
This refreshingly modern guide takes the business of giving and receiving pleasure seriously, but never takes itself too seriously. It’s full of orgasm-inducing tips and techniques for both giver and receiver, presented with equal doses of good humor and practical, usable information. I also appreciate her careful attention to the social issues—gender socialization, religious shame, and more—that can impact the ways we are willing to give and receive pleasure.
Susan Harper, Ph.D
Researcher, anthropologist, sociologist and educator in sexuality and gender studies.
Anatomy Diagrams for Cunnilingus
A lot of people have liked the anatomy diagrams so I’m sharing them here (and making them free for anyone to share with attribution). Enjoy and feel free to share! I’ve also taken some of the “Giver” advice and turned them into an online post “how to lick a clit“. Check it out 🙂
Strawberry-Inspired Vulva Diagram
Why a strawberry? Well, why not?!
The Central Nervous System & Pudendal Nerve
Not terribly sexy I’m afraid but trust me, it gets better!
Clitoral Organ Diagram
See, we’re getting there. You’ll find lots of juicy information about the clitoral organ in the book!
Female Pudendal Nerve Diagram (Side View)
Anyone for a science lesson? Seriously though, this is pretty interesting stuff. Without giving too much away, the pudendal nerve is responsible for all that fun you’re about to have!
Female Pudendal Nerve Diagram (between the legs!)
Yep, so important I had to show you it from another angle! All those nerves explain a few things, don’t they? And that’s not the half of it – there’s a huge network of them; way too many to draw. Nerves nerves nerves!
Male Pudendal Nerve Diagram
Yes folks, we have a penis coming up. If you want to know why it’s in a “how to” guide for cunnilingus (written by a lesbian) I’m afraid you’ll have to read the book!
Female G-Spot Diagram
See – those pudendal nerve and clitoral organ diagrams above are starting to make sense now. Eh?
Common Clitoris Piercings Diagram
If you encounter one, it’s most likely going to be one of these; the Vertical Clitoral Hood (VCH), Horizontal Clitoral Hood (HCH) or a Triangle. The VCH is most popular and “actual” clitoris piercings are pretty rare.
These diagrams are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Feel free to use and share – just link back to this page! Prefer to get them elsewhere you can click here for diagrams on flickr.
You can also find them on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/alexbporter/thecunnilinguist-female-anatomy-diagrams/
How To Give Cunnilingus – And Receive It!
Want the low-down on the book contents? Woman, man, non-binary, transgender…there’s something here for you…
The Cunnilinguist: Table of Contents
There’s lots here – it’s a biggie! Prepare to scroll – you have been warned!
- Research & the heterosexual orgasm gap
- 1. Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women
- 2. Vaginal sex can reduce a woman’s chance of orgasm
- 3. Receiving oral sex can double a woman’s chance of orgasm
- And there’s more…
- The dinner party & birth of a book
- How to use this book and what to expect
- Watch yer language! A note on inclusivity
- Pronouns used in this book
- A short LGBTQ+ glossary
CHAPTER 1 (Muff): Diving In
- First, let’s clear something up: Vulva or vagina?
- The pubic mound & labia majora
- The labia minora (inner lips)
- The clitoris & the hood
- The secrets of the clitoral network & pudendal nerve
- Got a penis?
- Above the clit
- Below the clit
- The vagina
- The G-spot: Myth or legend?
- Below the vagina
- Anatomy roundup
- Fingers, nails, & rings
- Holy feck, it’s vajazzled!
- Facial hair
- Oral sex at that time of the month
- Safer sex
- Dam it
- Don’t blow me
- Genital damage, pelvic pain, & anorgasmia
- Getting wet
- Hit the lube!
- Chapter 1 summary
CHAPTER 2: Going Deeper
- The vicious circle
- 11 reasons why they might say no
- Why letting go is important (for receivers)
- And in saying that, I’ll share some giver-honesty too…
- 11 receiver tips for letting go
- Hey, givers get scared, too!
- Empathy for the penis: Considerations for hetero and bi receivers
- Letting go and building self-esteem together
- Both inexperienced?
- Before we move on, a quick note about porn
- Early-stage foreplay: Set yourself up for success
- Starting early
- Talk dirty
- Breast attention
- Two hands are better than one
- 12 simple ways to get in the mood
- Perpetual foreplay
- Chapter 2 summary
CHAPTER 3: Down to Business
- Venus, Mars, & consent
- Why lesbians have better sex than straight women
- How sexpectation differs between “lesbian” and hetero couples
- Slow and beyond (the #1 tip for guys and other folks with penises)
- An overview of techniques for giving great cunnilingus
- Genital foreplay
- Position yourself
- The #1 rule
- Removing the panties
- Hair tips
- More than words
- The awakening: Here clitty, clitty!
- Telltale signs
- The #1 reason givers need foreplay
- Clitoral action: Down to business
- Pressure matters
- The alphabet myth
- A little pinch goes a long way
- Shapes and movement
- Slipping the tongue in
- Take it on the chin—or nose
- Teeth tips
- How to suck
- Polishing the pearl
- Get your squeeze on
- The clit sandwich
- Enter the fingers
- Making, breaking, and holding still
- Encourage your partner to engage
- Receivers: Remember to breath
- OMG, they’re coming!
- Pre-orgasm vs orgasm
- Ejaculation: Yes, it might just happen!
- The kiss of sex: A hot ending… or a new beginning
- Delivering multiple orgasms back to back
- What to do after they orgasm
- When your partner doesn’t come
- How to guarantee a happy ending
- Don’t make these five mistakes when you’re down there
- The ultimate guide to saving tongue & jaw
- Three ways to give your tongue a break
- Five tongue-break techniques that actually enhance pleasure
- Ten tongue and jaw exercises to keep you going all night long
- A few tips for the receiver
- Hey, receivers! Here’s a secret…
- When they’re getting it right
- When they’re getting it wrong
- Every time with you is so different. It’s not me, it’s you!
- Chapter 3 summary
CHAPTER 4: Take a Stance
- Different shapes and sizes
- Missionary & beyond
- Raise that ass
- Back and up
- Knees on the bed, knees off the bed
- Straddle and squeeze
- Missionary considerations
- Rodeo: Receiver on top
- On the kitchen table
- Under the kitchen table
- Chapter 4 summary
CHAPTER 6: Beyond Lip Service
- About this section
- A short guide to fingering
- Testing the waters
- Licky-licky finger penetration techniques
- Going all in: Take it slow
- Finger burst: A personal fave, but proceed with caution
- Hold ‘em back
- Hitting the G-spot
- Here’s the easiest way to find it
- Here’s the best way to stimulate it
- Skeptical receivers, listen up
- Dick in pussy: A lesbian’s insight to getting there
- An example of how we roll
- Care to vibrate?
- Varied vibrators
- Vibrator pros
- Vibrator cons
- First time vibe techniques
- The Rabbit technique
- To do or not dildo
- Sex toy care
- Fisting 101
- Getting it in
- Fisting in five steps
- Anal stimulation (fingers, tongue, and more toys)
- It’s an asshole!
- Okay, I’m behind this!
- The three-in-one
- Effortless roleplay
- BDSM & power play
- Verbal bondage
- Physical bondage
- Putting the receiver in charge
- Pleasuring yourself
- Mutual masturbation
- Chapter 6 summary
- Wrapping Up
Chapter 7: A Little Taster
- I messed up
- The moral to the story
- Cunni on the Cruise (a “Branding Her” excerpt)
- That’s all, folks!
- Bibliography and References
- Thank you… and a favor…
- Social fun: #TheCunnilinguist
- Other books
- Say Hi!
Phew, that’s a lot of bang for your buck!
The Cunnilinguist is the type of book that can be read from start to finish or dipped into for tips and ideas; solo or with a partner. So off you go, get down, get dirty and remember that sex can be sexy, orgasmic and fun!
Now for those of you who have read it or like to share…
#TheCunnilinguist – Social Images
I’d love it if you could share the love. Below are some great images for you…
So there you have it!
Enjoy The Cunnilinguist (find it here on Amazon) or at other major retailers and spread the good word!
If you’re a book lover you can also find me on Amazon and hit “follow” 🙂
The Cunnilinguist Audio Book Coming March 2019
Here’s a sneak preview of the audiobook version due for release end of March 2019…
The Cunnilinguist Bibliography & References
Alongside speaking to some amazing people and injecting a great deal of personal experience into this book there was a lot of interesting research and reading involved. Massive thank you to the amazing contributors below and to the many others that brought much enlightenment and enjoyment whilst writing this book— some of which were upsetting, and some of which were absolutely hilarious; this piece brought tears to my eyes multiple times (yes, I read it several times!).
- 50% Of Men Don’t Know Where The Vagina Is, According To UK Study, Bruce Y. Lee, Forbes 2017,
- ‘Golden trio’ of moves boosts chances of female orgasm, say researchers, Nicola Davis and Mona Chalabi, The Guardian, 2017
- A Renewed Call to Action to End Rape and Sexual Assault, Valerie Jarrett, Obama White House, 2014,
- Com staff (2014). “Medical gallery of Blausen Medical 2014“. WikiJournal of Medicine 1 (2). DOI:10.15347/wjm/2014.010. ISSN 2002-4436.,
- Botox Injection for Treatment of Vaginismus, https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01352546
- Breanne Fahs & Sara I. McClelland (2016) When Sex and Power Collide: An Argument for Critical Sexuality Studies, The Journal of Sex Research, 53:4-5, 392-416, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1152454
- Brewer G., Hendrie C. A. Evidence to suggest that copulatory vocalizations in women are not a reflexive consequence of orgasm. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 2011; 40(3): 559–564.
- Clitoris Anatomy, https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clitoris_Anatomy.svg
- Cosmo’s Female Orgasm Survey, 2015
- Di Marino, V. & Lepidi, H. (2014). Anatomic Study of the Clitoris and the Bulbo-Clitoral Organ. Heidelberg, Germany: Springer.
- Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample. Frederick, D.A., John, H.K.S., Garcia, J.R. et al. Arch Sex Behav (2018) 47: 273.
- Johannes Sobotta, Sobo 1911 725, https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sobo_1911_725.png
- Faking It: Exploring Why Women and Men Fake Orgasms, Zava (previously Dr. Ed), 2017
- Häggström, Mikael (2014). “Medical gallery of Mikael Häggström 2014“. WikiJournal of Medicine 1 (2).
- Juliet Richters, Richard de Visser, Chris Rissel & Anthony Smith (2006) Sexual practices at last heterosexual encounter and occurrence of orgasm in a national survey, The Journal of Sex Research, 43:3, 217-226,
- Kerner, Ian – She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide To Pleasuring A Woman, 2004
- Kinsey, A. C., & Institute for Sex Research. (2010). Sexual behavior in the human female
- Lloyd, E. A. (2005). The case of the female orgasm: Bias in the science of evolution. Cambridge, MA, US: Harvard University Press.
- Nagoski, Emily Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, 2015
- OpenStax College, 2604 Nerves Innervating the Urinary SystemN
- Post Sex Affectionate Exchanges Promote Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction, Muise, A., Giang, E. & Impett, E.A. Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43: 1391
- Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use by Women in the United States: Results from a Nationally Representative Study, Herbenick, Debra et al., The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 6 , Issue 7 , 1857 – 1866
- Puppo, Vincenzo. (2013). Anatomy and physiology of the clitoris, vestibular bulbs, and labia minora with a review of the female orgasm and the prevention of female sexual dysfunction. Clinical anatomy (New York, N.Y.). 26. 10.1002/ca.22177.
- Sexual Desire and Arousal Disorders in Women. Advances in psychosomatic medicine, Laan, Ellen & Phd, Stephanie. (2011). 31. 16-34. 10.1159/000328806.
- The Emirr, TE-Nervous system diagram unlabeled, annotated
- The enduring enigma of female desire, Rachel Newer, BBC, 2016
- The most embarrassing pain of all? Pudendal nerve pain – a short guide, Dr Z Ward, Life In Alignment Chiropractic, 2015,
- The nerves and vasculature of the clitoris are absent from OB/GYN literature, Jessica Pin (2018)
- The Truth About ‘Lesbian Bed Death’: It’s Complicated, Margaret Nichols PhD, GoodTherapy, (2013)
- Women Reveal The Specific Movements That Make Them Orgasm, Alanna Vagianos, HuffPost US 2017
- Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, Debby Herbenick, Tsung-Chieh (Jane) Fu, Jennifer Arter, Stephanie A. Sanders & Brian Dodge (2018), Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44:2, 201-212
- Women’s Perceptions about Lubricant Use and Vaginal Wetness During Sexual Activities, Jozkowski, Kristen N. et al. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 10 , Issue 2 , 484 – 492