Audiobook Companion Doc

This is the companion document for the audiobook version of The Cunnilinguist: How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex – Top Tips From Both Ends Of The Tongue. You can also download the companion doc in PDF format here.

A short LGBTQ+ glossary

Disclaimer: Definitions are simplified. Full descriptions could span multiple pages or be the subject of full academic papers. Hey, some things are complex.

• Androgynous: Describes people who display attributes that could be seen as having both female and male characteristics, or neither.
• Binary: When something is described as binary, there are only two options available. For example, “yes or no” or “true or false.” There is no method of describing anything in between or anything more complex. In sexuality, “Binary” can refer to biological sex (female or male) or gender (woman or man).
• Biological Gender: Same as “Biological Sex.”
• Biological Sex (Sex): This is the basis for the assignment of gender birth and is based on genitalia. In most Western societies, sex and gender are seen as inextricable and thus you may also hear the term “Biological Gender” used.
• Bisexual: Derived from binary gender, the term was used to describe people who are attracted to “both” female and male genders. In reality, the term is now used to describe people who are attracted to more than one gender. Exactly how much they are attracted to each gender can vary hugely.
• Cisgender (cis): Describes people who identify with the same gender that they were assigned at birth. Basically, the majority of the population are cisgender. The term “cis” also comes from Latin and has a meaning “on the same side of.” “Cis” and “Trans” are at opposite ends of the cis-trans continuum.
• Feminine: Describes people who display attributes that are culturally associated with being a woman/female.
• Gay: Describes people who are attracted to people whose sex and gender are like their own. A gay person could be trans, or cis, or anywhere in between. Usually this is taken to mean they are only attracted to people of the “same” sex. Most often you will see it used when referring to “gay men.” I personally prefer the term gay over lesbian and tend to describe myself as gay when the situation arises, e.g. when the locum doctor can’t understand why I don’t need to take a pregnancy test even though I’m in a long-term relationship.
• Gender Identity (Gender): The gender a person feels they are, regardless of what their biological sex is. Gender identity runs from female to non-binary to male. Gender identity can be expressed in various manners. For example, physical appearance can range from feminine to androgynous to masculine. For most people, their sense of gender identity aligns with their biological sex.
• Gender Non-Conforming (GNC): Same as Non-Binary.
• Gender-fluid: Similar to non-binary, but implies that gender identity is less fixed and can vary, e.g. from month to month or day to day.
• Gender-neutral Terms: Terms that can be used irrespective of gender. In the context of this book, gender-neutral terms are primarily about adjusting language to improve inclusivity. This is done by using words such as partner, they, and theirs as opposed to using he/she
• Gender/Sex: These terms are linked and often interchanged. However, although they are related, they are not the same thing. “Sex” is biological: female, male or intersex. “Gender” is a social construct based around what society deems to be feminine or masculine. None of us were born woman or man, but gender norms influence us from an early age: Pink or blue? Dolls or cars? Sex and gender are different things, yet they have become inextricable within Western culture and are almost always based on the biological sex assigned at birth. Because of this, “Gender Identity” is now a term that is frequently used.
• Heterosexual: Describes people who are attracted only to people whose gender and sex are different than their own. Usually this is taken to mean they are only attracted to people of the “opposite” sex. “Hetero” means “other” or “different” in Latin.
• Homoflexible: Describes someone who is almost exclusively homosexual, but occasionally has attraction to or sexual interaction with someone of a gender different than their own. Similarly, Heteroflexible also exists. They’re both a form of bisexuality that says “I’m much closer to the homosexual or heterosexual end of the spectrum.”
• Homopolyamorus: I made that one up but I’m sure you can figure out where I was going with it!
• Homosexual: Describes people who are attracted to the same sex. “Homo” means “one or the same” in Latin.
• Intersex: Describes people who have genital development that is neither 100 percent female nor 100 percent male.
• Lesbian: Same as “Gay,” except only used to describe women who are exclusively attracted to other women. A lesbian could be trans, cis, or anywhere in between.
• LGBT+: An acronym that stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning/Queer, and others. There are lots of variations on this that include more or less letters (hence the “+” often placed at the end). Basically, it means anyone who is outside the cultural norms of gender and sexuality, specifically outside of heterosexuality or cisgender-ness.
• Masculine: Describes people who display attributes that are culturally associated with being a man/male.
• Non-Binary: Describes people whose gender identity does not fit the binary cultural norms of female or male.
• Pansexual: Describes people who are attracted to another person, regardless of sex or gender. Neither gender nor genitalia play any part in who they are attracted to.
• Polyamorous: Describes people who have intimate loving and sexual relationships with multiple people at the same time. These people can all be in a closed relationship together, or in a poly relationship that is much more open and complex.
• Queer: Similar to LGBT+ (which is often written LGBTQ+), queer is an umbrella term used to describe a person who is outside the cultural norms of gender and sexuality.
• Sex: See “Gender/Sex” and “Biological Sex.”
• Sexual Orientation: Describes who people are romantically and sexually attracted to. Whilst it forms part of our identity, it is very different and separate from gender.
• Sexuality: Focuses on sexual behavior and expression. A complete description of your sexuality would include sexual orientation and elements of gender; however, “Sexuality” is much bigger. The Oxford Dictionary describes it as capacity for sexual feelings. Sexuality is what you like or dislike and how you feel and express yourself. For example, you may love spanking and have a high sex drive; you may be highly emotive or spiritual; or you may be promiscuous. All of these form part of your sexuality, but they do not form part of your gender; nor are they anything to do with your sexual orientation.
• Straight: Same as “Heterosexual.”
• Transgender (trans): Describes people who identify as a different gender than the gender which they were assigned at birth. For example, a trans man is someone who was assigned female at birth but now identifies as a male. They may or may not have had surgery or hormone therapy to physically transition. For the geeks out there, “trans” comes from Latin and has the meaning “on the other side of.”

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Anatomy

Diagrams from the anatomy chapter.

Effort has been made to ensure the images created for this book are informative and beneficial to readers, however please note that they are are artistic representations, illustrated with aesthetics in mind. They should not be taken as scientific fact or to be medically accurate; the vulvas you encounter will probably not look like a strawberry!

Figure 1: Vulva

Figure 1: A strawberry-inspired diagram of the vulva.

Figure 2: Spine and Pudendal Nerve

Figure 2: The pudendal nerve is a paired nerve (left and right branches) coming from the spinal cord.

Figure 3: The Clitoral Organ

Figure 3: The clitoral organ. Most is beneath the surface; only the head of the clitoris can be seen.

Figure 4: Pudendal Nerve, Female (Side)

Figure 4: Pudendal nerve in a biological female – spinal cord and left side. Remember: this nerve is paired!

Figure 5: Pudendal Nerve, Female

Figure 5: Pudendal nerve in a biological female – between the legs.  Left and right branches: the paired view!

Figure 6: Pudendal Nerve, Male (Side)

Figure 6: The pudendal nerve in a biological male.

Figure 7: G-Spot, Female

Figure 7: The location of the G-Spot in a biological female.

Figure 8: Clitoral Piercings

Figure 8: Vertical Clitoral Hood (bar), Horizontal Clitoral Hood (ring), Triangle (c-ring)

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Ten oral sex tongue and jaw exercises

When performing these movements, try to avoid tongue contact with teeth at all times and remember to be mindful of your breathing technique. Without further ado, here we go:

Need to improve your stamina? Simply do more reps. Your speed? Go faster. Control? Go slower. And when you’re ready, go find a partner who’s willing to let you practice on them.

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References & Footnotes

A list of footnotes from within the written book. These are listed in chronological order and organized according to audiobook chapter.

Research and the heterosexual orgasm gap

Chapter 1: (Muff) Diving In

Chapter 2: Going Deeper

Chapter 3: Down to Business

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That’s all, folks!

I hope you had as much fun reading this book as I had writing it, and that you find something useful no matter your skill level, no matter your gender, and no matter what end of the tongue you find yourself at.

Now away you go and try a few tricks and tips out, if you have not already. Oh, and you can pick up your certificate of completion at www.alexbporter.com/cert 😉 😉 😉

Acknowledgments and Thankyou

A massive thank you to all those who contributed to the research element of this book, from the writers, academics and researchers, to the people who spoke to me, email contributors, personal friends, family and most of all, my amazing partner.  Those who were happy for a semi-anonymous credit include Barbs and Ella, Katie, Michelle, Christine, Mark and Kazza, Jo, Michael, Aoife, Eve and Molly, Dee, Rowan, Danni, Z, Carol, Zayne, Twigs, Charlie, Emily, Sophie and Keggs (the Facebooker who kicked it all off!). Also, a huge thank you to the production team, Haley Torboli for her detailed eye, a friend who shall remain anonymous, the graphic designers and illustrators (find out more on my blog) and of course, Susan Harper, who really turned this book into something special and educated me significantly along the way!

Bibliography/ References

Thank you… and a favor…

I hope you enjoyed this book and have learned something that will benefit your sex life and that of your partner(s).

If you have a moment to spare….I would really appreciate if you could leave a short review or rating at the store you purchased it — THANK YOU!

#TheCunnilinguist

Enjoy social media and sharing fun stuff? Head over to www.alexbporter.com/cunni-fun where you’ll find a selection of #TheCunnilinguist images.